Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
