I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize