Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
