someone threw a dead crab at me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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