I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
