you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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