At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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