Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
