you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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