how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
