On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
