why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
