Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
