Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
