Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
