Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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