wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
