Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
