I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
