He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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