Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
