Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
