i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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