There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
