Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
