Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
