fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it was like eating out sand paper
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
