I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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