If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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