Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
