Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
