ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
