I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
