so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
