My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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