So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize