Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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