Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
