Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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