and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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