You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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