Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
