...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
