Small penises have feelings too.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize