Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
