I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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