Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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