No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
