Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
