Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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