I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
