The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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