you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
