take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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