I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize