if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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