Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
