I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
