This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
