It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if only i could text you this smell
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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