i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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