i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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