If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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