That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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