You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
