Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize